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And in time, this too shall pass…..

I have to have faith that I am exactly where i am meant to be. I have to believe that the Universe will provide me with everything I need. I need to believe that I will eventually partner with the “right” person, because why would the Universe want me to partner with anyone less than perfect for me. i am struggling financially at this time in my life with a child in University, and another child requiring child support at his fathers. It is a difficult time when so many of my friends are at that “comfortable” stage in their life when they can travel and are almost done paying off their mortgages. It is difficult for me, as it makes me rethink certain decisions I have made in my life. This is where i am stuck…..

I left my second marriage, I wasn’t in love with him and I wasn’t happy. The impetus was my youngest child telling me, ” I never smiled anymore.” I am not really smiling at lot these days. Could I have made it work? I would certainly be in that “comfortable” stage of life if I had. Can I weigh personal inner happiness against the constant worry of where the money is going to come from and the jealously I feel when I hear of friends travels? They say you shouldn’t feel jealously, it only prevents you from feeling that you can’t have the same experience.Right now and for the foreseeable future I can’t, so it becomes difficult to quell those feelings.

I got to have my retirement early for two years. I opened my own business and since there was no income, I lived off my retirement savings. It was a wonderful two years and an experience that I will never forget. I will at some point will do it again, I have promised myself that. Yet, at 52 years of age, with the knowledge of having to recoup that financial loss to be sustainable on my own in retirement, is that a possibility?

I have on my peripheral, several men from past relationships. I think it speaks to my nature to be able to maintain those relationships. Yet, they are past relationships and for whatever reason, they ended. With every relationship end, I learned things about myself and I am now at the point, that I can set boundaries, boundaries that are for me, for my personal sanity. Would it be easier to say yes and commit to one, one who loves me unconditionally and forge a future together-absolutely. Yet I ask myself, I ended this relationship at least 5 different times, isn’t time I laid it to rest and learn my lessons and move on? Would the Universe want me to partner with anything less than my perfect mate.

So, herein lays the question about faith. Do I trust that the Universe will provide me with all I need, Love,Happiness, Financial Abundance?  I have put my worries out into the Universe and asked for the load to be lightened. On some level, I have faith that I will be heard. For me, my faith is based on God, Creator of all the Universe and all that I am. I believe in manifesting my own destiny but I am stuck and have been for the past couple of months. I have to believe that if I put my concerns and worries out into the Universe that I will  have my prayers answered.Faith for me, is feeling that there is something out there than can ease my burden, even by just asking for help from God, the Universe.  If I didn’t have faith, what would I hold onto in this time of need?

 

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About janet50

A fifty year old single mom with two teenagers. Wondering how I got here to WTF Fifty, and how to navigate the past, present and future.... Any comments, suggestions, feel free to share, the more we all help each other navigate this journey the better. In reality, it would appear they forgot to give us the manual!

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